My Mom & Me story is a happy-to-sad-to-happy story of a vibrant woman, knocked 
down in the prime of life who forgot to give up when she was given life-changing bad news.
My Mom Sandy was a high school drum majorette, fantastic bowler, loving wife, secretary and most importantly my Mom. She was strict but fair and demanded respect. Getting the last word was important to her.
Sandy was just out of Hamilton Business College when she met my father, Roger, on a wrong number call in 1958. They courted and got married in 1959 and I came along in 1964. She worked for various offices around town and together they owned a bar. Bar life and the stress of early mornings and late nights took their toll on my Mom and she filed for divorce in 1968. (Photo: Sandy Palmer and son, Patrick)
Mom went on to work around Hampton until some dizziness and unbalance started to be detected in 1974. She went to specialists in Rochester and was told that she had Multiple Sclerosis and nothing could be done. She was told that she just better get a wheelchair and fold up her cards. My Mom knew there was a better life than that. While she was on a medical disability, her words and actions inspired a young son to go on to better things, to speak up when he saw injustices to folks with disabilities and to become an Eagle Scout.
She was told she wouldn’t be able to live alone and she was told she’d end up in a nursing home by the time she was 50. People kept telling her stuff she was GOING to be doing, but she would have none of that. I heard her scream at a doctor once and said, “I may have MS, but dammit, MS doesn’t have me!” One thing about my Mom, you knew where you stood because she had the last word…always.
Sure, she fell down…a lot. At times she was covered in bruises, cracked bones, teeth and ribs. But Mom always had a reason for doing what she did. When she wanted to move to a senior apartment, her logic was that she was tired of her big house. When she gave up her car, it was because she was tired of paying $2 for a gallon of gas. When she wanted to go to the nursing home after a severe fall in August of 2012, it was because she didn’t want to be a burden on anyone.
One day, in September of 2012, she looked at me she said, “Pat, why don’t you call Hospice?” I said, “Why, you aren’t dying?” I didn’t call them, but two days later, they called me and said, “Yes, your mom told us to call.” Being my mother, she was always had the last word…she knew she was dying.
In early October of 2012, she looked at me and said, “You know, when all of this bullshit is over, I’m gonna get a cat.” I said, holding back tears, “Yes Mom, you should.”
Near the end of October, I talked with her. I said, “Mom, your fight is over, it’s time to let go. Do you want me to be here with you when you pass away?” Mom, in a weakened voice said the strongest words she’s ever said, “For God’s sakes NO! Who the hell would want to watch that?”
She died on a Tuesday, alone, in a nursing home…her way.
I was having lunch with my sister-in-law in Minnesota at the time I received the call. Mom had passed away. We finished eating and I got in my car to drive back to Iowa and I was weeping as it sunk in. How could I have let my mother die alone?? What kind of son would allow that to happen?? I was angry with myself and at a very low point. Just then, the seatbelt alert started beeping as to let me know someone was sitting in the passenger seat. Within five minutes the tears dried up, the immediate grief left my body and I was comforted. I smiled because I knew that even in death; my Mom had gotten the last word.
Sandy Palmer 1937-2012
Mom & Me is a blog that is in memory of my Mother June Z"L, and in honor of all Mothers. If you have a Mom & Me story you would like to share with the many who read this blog. Send the story (400 words or less please) and a photo to me [email protected] and we'll make it happen.
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And...so it goes.