This may come as a surprise to many of you however the rabbis tell us that the hardest commandment (of the "Big Ten") is this, Exodus 20:12: Honor your father and your mother; that your days may be long upon the land which the L-rd your G-d gives you. To honor your parents is no simple thing. So difficult it is that one rabbi in the Talmud said it is better to be born an orphan.
Why is it so difficult and why is it so important?
According to Rabbi Barry Leff, "The Talmud in tractate Kiddushin teaches us that there are three partners in the creation of a person, the Holy One,
blessed be He, the father, and the mother. When people honor their
parents, G-d says ‘I ascribe [merit] to them as though I had dwelt among
them and they had honored Me.’
So it is important. But why is it so difficult?
Because to truly honor your mother and father it means you must set aside your opinion. My mother is 93. She looks at the world differently than I. For example I cook for her. If I cook a meal on Monday and offer her left-overs on Tuesday she questions if it is safe. Why? She grew up with limited refrigeration and even though she has had refrigerators for decades the old fears come through. Does it frustrate me when she questions my cooking. Yes. And that is not honor...
But, if this is the hardest commandment to follow...might it be the most important? Again, the words of Rabbi Leff: "Bringing a new life into the world is surely one of the most mysterious and “G-d-like” activities we can engage in. The connection with G-d is pretty clear: ask any infertile couple whether the decision to have children is entirely in human hands. So if we can understand the special role that parents have as partners in Creation with G-d, we can appreciate why the commandment to honor them is important."
And...so it goes.