This morning we were doing out daily "duties". Mom has been retaining water a bit so we've put her on, as she calls it, a "pee pill". I asked her if she would also like a stool softener. That also is an aging issue.
"Let me think about that."
Take your time.
"Ya know what this pill stuff is for the birds. Can't pee so I get a pee pill can't poop so I get a poop pill."
But, you're in a pretty good mood about it all.
"That's because I also take a happy pill!"
And...so it goes.
Meal times around here and our question about "What's to eat?" and the answers Mom gives contain some humor. Here is how the usual conversation goes:
Mom, would you like to have breakfast?
"What have you got?"
Well, you can have eggs, toast, high-fiber cereal, oatmeal, some coffee...
"Do you have bananas?"
Yes
"That's good. Do you have prunes, whole prunes?"
No, we don't have prunes.
"Hmmmm, let me think about that."
Twenty minutes later: Hey, Mom would you like some banana?
"Banana? I don't think so they tend to bind me up. No whole prunes huh?"
No, but we do have prune juice.
"Prune juice. Hmmmm...let me think about that."
And...so it goes.
Since being discharged from Mercy Hospice House of Johnston, Iowa Mom has started...eating. It really has been amazing. A week ago today I would have thought we were...done. However, Mom has different ideas:
"I'm hungry."
This from a woman who stopped eating several days ago.
Hungry? What would you like? (I try to have her think I can do...anything.)
"I would like (pause) well, what would you suggest?"
I can make a bunch of different things.
"That is exactly what I thought. This is like having my own personal chef to make my food."
Yes, Mom...it is.
And...So it goes.
It seems, when you are Mom's age you have your own internal clock. Two weeks ago we went to the doctor for some tests. Spent nearly an hour there and she says, "I'm hungry."
Knowing this might be the case I had packed, at her instruction, a couple of cereal bars.
"Do I have a bar in my purse?"
Yes,
"Good! Let's eat."
So, there she was...taking her sweet time for a snack. It's all on "Mom Time".
And...so it goes.
For those of you wondering...since our last post Mom has been in and back out of Hospice. She is home now and seems to be doing the best she can. Thanks for your thoughts...
I looked at my Mother and said, "I'm selfish."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not ready to let you go."
"Michael, everything has its seasons."
It's amazing how quickly things can change when you are approaching your 94th Birthday. It's almost like life is upside down. When we have babies we marvel at how quickly they change. And, when we are old, the change is just as rapid.
Three weeks ago the family was all together and Mom was having a great time. Two weeks ago she started to lose her (usually great) appetite.
This week she has started refusing food. Other than the one or two bites of something I trick her into taking...saying, "Hey, I can't give you your medication unless you eat something." She has pretty much shut down.
And...I ache.
They can say things about living a "rich full life" but we are living in the "here and now". And...it's tough. And something tells me I'll never be ready and damn the "seasons".
We can only hope for another day.
And....so it goes.
Several days ago Mom asked me, "Michael, when is Christmas?"
Uhm...in about five days. Why do you ask?
"I'm ready for all the damn Ho-Ho-Ho music to go away!"
I understand.
"No really, why do they have to play this stuff non-stop for months? It take the specialness of the holiday away."
I get it.
But, don't think Mom is a scrooge. She was up for a party on Christmas Eve. Michael and Jody and Tina came over to the house. Michael cooked and Mom had some wine!
Not kidding! Dressed in her holiday gear she had a great time clowning around with us.
Family, friends, good wine, great food...yep...we'll take this holiday.
Merry Christmas to you and yours
And...so it goes.
This year Chanukah and Thanksgiving fell on the same day. It happens only once every 70,000 years or so. We were doubly blessed to have Mom and our grand-daughter Jovie for dinner on Thursday night. Actually, Mom is always here as she lives with us.
The conversation between a four-year old and a ninety-three year old is often similar.
"When are we going to eat? You know I need to eat every couple of hours." (Mom)
"I'm getting pretty hungry!" (Jovie)
"What's that!??" (Mom)
"I don't think I like that." (Jovie)
"I'm getting tired of sitting here." (Mom)
"What are we going to do next?" (Jovie)
"What? You're having ANOTHER glass of wine?" (Mom)
"Wine? Can I have some?" (Jovie)
Happy Holidays!
And...so it goes.
I've been fired before. The most memorable was on Christmas Eve long ago. The guy figured it would be cool to "ruin" my Christmas...not knowing that Jews don't celebrate the holiday. But I do remember the event and the drive to the station to get the news.
Last night Mom fired me. Something about the food, my attitude, my bride...the list got pretty long.
"I'm going to call the attorney in the morning and have you removed from my affairs!"
And, who will take up those duties?
"I have ways..."
That of course was last evening. Today the realization started to sink in starting with, "Who is going to take me to the bathroom?"
The rabbis say the hardest commandment to keep is the 5th...to "Honor your Father and your Mother." I can attest to the fact of their wisdom and daily remind myself of this particular mitzvah.
Getting old...old, old is tough. Losing independence, memory issues, health...all are frustrating and sometimes that frustration comes out in lashing at "the hand that feeds you".
I get it...but I also understand the stress from a care-giver standpoint.
Which leads me to wonder why in heaven's name our state sucks when it comes to paying direct care-givers a live-able wage. We talk about how "precious" our older population is but when we "warehouse" them in institutions we've decided the burden on paying for their care is just too much to handle.
The State of Iowa should look to the 5th Commandment...first.
And...so it goes.
Mom has been taking Warfarin as a blood thinner for years. She has atrial fibrillation so she needs to maintain a specific level of "thinness" for her blood. It's monitored on a regular basis and the amount of blood thinner she takes changes from two to three milligrams a day...again depending on her Prothrombin Time (clotting time).
Because her warfarin pills come in one milligram doses she'll take two or three tablets depending on the directions from her physician.
Two weeks ago I called her primary physician and asked if they might call in another prescription because she was running out. She had been getting the pills from a mail-order facility but because he local Hy-Vee is so close we switched to them.
The new pills were a different color and when I asked about that I was told that depending on where they come from they are different colors. Her dose was two pills (two milligrams) for five days and three pills (three milligrams) for two days.
On Wednesday we went in for lab work. Mom usually runs a PT of 2.4 to 2.6. The tech looked up from the test and said, "Oh my! She is testing at an 8!" That means her blood is very, very thin. They did the test again and we were told to immediately head to the Emergency Room where they would check her out and give her some Vitamin K which thickens the blood.
Seven hours later we were home and told to have her blood checked again on Friday (Today).
When we got home from the hospital it didn't make sense to me that she would, for no reason at all, spike her PT. So I examined the bottle and for some unexplained reason her physician had switched from one milligram of warfarin pills to three milligram pills. So, rather than getting 2 - 3 milligrams of warfarin a day she was getting six to nine milligrams!
Nobody had caught it. And we're still not sure why there was a change in the script. We'll find out...
As of Friday afternoon she had come back down to 5.5 but...that's still pretty high and by 5PM we had still not heard back from her physician.
Two words: Buyer...Beware.
And...so it goes.
I walked into Mom's room with an evening cocktail.
"What have you got?"
A drink, I answered.
"No! How many ice cubes are in that glass?"
Uhm, I don't know.
"Well, I can see from here there are more than two!"
Well, yes. Yes, there are.
"Wasteful! I just don't understand why anybody would need more than two ice cubes for a glass of anything."
I thought back to the metal ice cube trays we had as kids. It was a step up from chopping at a block of ice...but we had only two trays and unless we had a bowl in the freezer, which was not allowed because that wasted space, you pulled the metal lever, got TWO ice cubes and left the rest. Mercy to the person who took the last two ice cubes and failed to fill up the tray with water.
I think I get it.
And...so it goes.